Friday, September 14, 2007

Still Life of Sydney Harbor

Soon after the tour ended in Europe, I had been invited to stay with some friends in San Francisco. Going back home had not been an option for me at this time. I guess the only way to deal with certain unresolved relationships is just to avoid them all together, so I did. I met a lot of people hooked into the art scene while I was in S.F. and its made me think about what I want to create now that I’m not living in the shadow of a great artist. I didn’t realize how incredibly intimidating it can be to be involved with somebody who is so naturally good at what they do, so I’ve been doing an excessive amount of self-editing for the past few years. So much so that I’ve finally faced the fact that I’ve edited myself out of my own destiny. What is my destiny as an artist? I’ve never given myself the green light to even try. Yesterday I spent the whole day going from ferryboat to ferryboat in the Sydney Harbor. In its own way Sydney reminds me of a crazy cocktail made up of San Francisco, L.A., and London all perfectly shaken up. Because I’ve never been here before, I didn’t know what to expect and for the first time I decided not to go to a museum in order to define a city. There is a freedom that I was drinking in with every ride that I took. The sun was beaming down almost beckoning me to come here and although I met some people in San Francisco that have affected me and I won’t bore you with that now, there is plenty of time to talk about all that. But I’m not convinced that a budding artist wouldn’t have a lot to inspire them if they resettled here.
I told Santa about it and she rolled her eyes and said, “ Mon dieu, you can’t be serious Clyde. You’ve only been here a little more than a day and you who never makes an impulsive move is considering moving thousands of miles away from all of us?”
I smiled and drank the champagne that she gave me because it was her way of telling me that she would miss me.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

When I read this poem I think of you...

assiduous empathy

my assiduous empathy
is a cartographer of quintessence

recording, in turn,
everyone of luminescence

the freaks, the geeks and
the passionate creators

the flawed, from abroad and
the erstwhile dictators

their idiolect captured
in meticulous detail

every particular nuance
logged without fail

i converse, it's a curse,
through a mental portal

unsurpassed in contrast
to the actual mortal

John Kipling Lewis

Anonymous said...

hi clyde long time no c!!!!!! glad ur having fun on the tour!!!!! can't wait 2 all yall in pittsburgh on oct. 30th cuz i'm going 2 c u guys!!!!! i heard what happend 2 santa!!!! tell her that mkgtweety sends her my best and oxoxo's!!!! after what the russian did 2 her!!!! {he's a playa and a BIG prick!!!} poor thing hope she gets better!!!! she should hear these 3 songs 2 make her feel better: celine dion's "misled" mariah carey's "and u don't remeber" and Beyoncé's "Me, Myself And I" {and watch the vid. of the song cuz it kwel!!!} and watch the movie chicago that might help her take her mind off that guy!!!! hope she can patch things w/ pip!!!!! glad u had fun in s.f.!!! my nanna went there 2 vist a friend of her's and she said that it great over there!!!! seems like every place u have been 2 u want live or move there!!! how funny!!! sumthing kewl 2 tell u!!!! i waz watching a court tv show called: women bounty hunters and there waz a black gurl that had u name!!!! {spelled like urs and soooooo not kidding!!!!} and i thought that it waz really kwel!!!! even my dad has started calling me ur name!!! he's like, "sup? clyde!!!!!" and i've told that's not my name!!! how did u know it waz 1 of the gurls that's on the cd????" he just laugh!!!! hope the champagne tasted good!!! glad u had fun on break and glad that u like sydeny!!! {i have cousin who named sydeny!!} i seen the place on tv and pics from cd-rom encyclopedia!!! tell the gurls i said hi!!!! c-ya!!!! mkgtweety

Anonymous said...

Hello Beautiful One.

Welcome back to you and all the ladies.

I am glad you and Santa are reclaiming yourselves from "men who are afraid to respect women." I love that quote by the way. It is a perfect description of that type. Anyway, I hope you find men who are brave enough to love you. We are all entitled to that. When you do, ask if they have a brother. :-) I am exhausting myself getting rid of them faster than they make their beeline towards me. I tried a Luna Bar for energy, the chocolate peppermint. Delicious as it was I try to stay away from sugar. Well... not all sugar.

Speaking of, have a beautiful time in Sydney sweety. Your vulnerability in this post is touching.

Bells For HEr

Elizabeth said...

This post really inspired me. I've been having issues with a lot of things and it felt good relating to your uncertainty and also your inner strength.
I'm sure you'll like to know that I have an art class tomorrow and maybe my own Persephone will come through?
I listened to Tori's "Taxi Ride" and the beautiful notes of, "I'm glad you're on my side." brought me down to earth. I'm lucky to have such hope. I will see one of the dolls in NYC, maybe you?
Love!!

Anonymous said...

you'll figure it out clyde...you always do.

turbulent indigo said...

hope to see you in charlotte sweetheart. just keep looking all around you for art, clyde. im sure you already know its there. there is art in everything. just a bit of reassurance. :)

turbulent indigo said...

ps clyde work your magic and get me some vip passes.

Coke Brown Jr. said...

Is it okay to leave everything one knows, and to risk any wealth of money or confidence or friendship that one has accumulated, to be in a place with better weather and a better "vibe?"

One can get too comfortable, but one can also not cherish the things one has.

It's comin' on Christmas, so TX won't be so bad for a while now, until May...

I hope that you're well, that YOU are really well. I just realized that I don't know, having been reading about the others so much, and having been a bit brain-dead and scared for a long while.

Be well. :)

Sarah said...

Thankyou for your time in Canberra Clyde. I've had so much fun getting to know you and the girls. Maybe, just maybe if I can get my life organized over the next few days I might see you again in Sydney on Monday. Say hi to everyone!

Rae said...

What does fire feel like at the moment before its conception? This creature races through the corridors of my souls labyrinth on a restless search for a way out of my body. Air completes the trinity, but without the first taste, my fire is only an anxious imprint of its potential.
The yearning to create true art in any form, without the ability to birth these lifeforms is suffocating. You can trace back the path of inflammation to the primary infection. 'I Am Not Enough'. These four small words ache and stagnate in every cell. The fertile spirit knows better, but the body closes all exits and turns the master deadlock.
Let go. But what do you do when the muscle has been clenched tight for so long that its memory of realease is all but forgotten.
Clyde....I too have been living in the shadows....but of my own expectation. Or perhaps it wasn't originally my own. Does it matter?
The blueprint remains somewhere between the soul and the hot winds. Our potential is gatherring its pieces together....slowly; perhaps too slowly for an impatient heart.
She waits at the gate for eons; motionless and frozen to the observer and even to herself. But on the inside the elements are in the heat of seduction and her soil is becomming warm and moist. All conditions are aligned.
The lock turns counter clockwise.
Open.
Oxygen fills the vaccume and she feels her very first fire.

Sending you love,
Rae.

Happyleighme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Not only the fact that she would miss you I think, but she woiuld be jealous of all the fabulous BREAD and other fine carbohydrates that SF has to offer. I wonder was it a local sparkling wine or Vouvre Cliquot? I think San Fransisco would be a wonderful place for you to hang your hat for awhile Clyde! The art, the people, the FOOD the energy! i can really see you there. Let us know if you need help moving! Love Ellen (Lilyscloak)

Happyleighme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for bringing out Digital Ghost!!! Finally :) Now let's hear Girl Disappearing and we'll be all wrapped up! You are awesome Clyde and can't wait to hear you in North America!

*mwah*

V

stregherian said...

So you want to know

just where I go

when the wind blows

where it is that I go

when the wind blows

when the wind

when the wind blows

Well maybe its a place

where the killers of the children

and those who make war and scar her face

while they take from her all she ever had

because they cant see her

and they cant beleive what they cant see

well maybe its a place that they

Can never go

and maybe

I am in the heart of everyone who suffers

and maybe

I am in the heart of everone who cries out for change

and maybe

I am the voice of truth and the heart of love

and the hands of healing

and the touch of kindness to the stranger

and maybe I

am the the vision of the shaman

and the words of the witch

and maybe

I Am

Love

And maybe you can see me

In the crown of the stag or a tree crowned with leaves

In the swiftness of a greyhound or the beauty of a rainstorm

In the light on the daisies and the smile of a child

or the colors of a rainbow

so what are we gonna do about all of this, all of this, all of this

witches burning gets a little toasty, a little toasty, I know

Faced the fire with you, said I faced the fire with you

and now

its really time, for the true divine, creator wants a change,

I said I want

A mother of a mother revolution, a true velvet revolution

In my heart, I hold her love, and all of you

and with that tear in my hand

you dont know the power that I have

you dont know know the power that you have

when you find your voice

thats been silent

all of these years

Anonymous said...

Osiyo Tori,

Wado.

Uhalavni Nasginai Nasgi ageyv

Anonymous said...

We play the tambourine for Your Ka,
We dance for Your Majesty,
We exalt You
To the height of heaven.
You are the Mistress of Sekhem,
The Menat and the Sistrum,
The Mistress of Music,
For whose Ka one plays.

We praise Your Majesty every day,
From dusk until the earth grows light,
We rejoice in Your Countenance, O Mistress in Dendera!
We praise You with song.
You are the Lady of Jubilation, the Mistress of the Iba-dance*,
The Lady of Music, the Mistress of Harp-playing,
The Lady of Dancing, the Mistress of Tying on Garlands,
The Lady of Myrrh, and the Mistress of Leaping*.

We glorify Your Majesty,
We give praise before Your Face.
We exalt Your Power
Over the Gods and the Goddesses.
You are the Lady of Hymns,
The Mistress of the Library,
The Great Seshat
At the head of the Mansion of Records.

We propitiate Your Majesty every day.
Your heart rejoices at hearing our songs.
We rejoice when we see You, day by day.
Our hearts are jubilant when we see Your Majesty.
You are the Lady of Garlands, the Mistress of Dance,
The Lady of Unending Drunkenness.
We rejoice before Your face; we play for Your Ka.
Your heart rejoices over our performance.

Anonymous said...

Saint Sarah is a patron saint venerated by the Roma (Gypsy) people. She is also known as Sara-la-Kali (Sara the black) (See McDowell, 1970, p.p. 38-57 for general information on Sarah, Roma and the Carmague). The center of her cult is Saintes-Maries-de-la-Mer, a place of pilgrimage for Roma in the Camargue, in southern France, where legend identifies her as the servant of the three saints Mary (Mary Magdalene, Mary Salome and Mary Jacobe)commemorated in the town. One alternative legend has her as a pagan of noble birth and being converted to the faith of Abraham.

they say it is the madonna

but it truly it is Diana

Happyleighme said...

And they found me near the dumpster. They were licking my feet. Both Charlie and Meu, my puppy and kitten, woke me from my stirring. I did some sleepwalking down flights of stairs last night. Impressive. Last time was 20 years ago - highschool and exams, family drama. A Chair will be placed in front of the front door this time.

And I said to myself - aloud - that life seems all about survival. And I wondered if it was god's real intent to keep us covered? Covered with dirt, dust, puppy kisses, pollen, sweat, background stress... and i wondered if we are exposed to all the wrong things in this life and is that keeping us from evolving...

...have we put plastic, and metals, glass and brick and plaster, paper, clothes, and germ cleaner between us and a greater evolution? what IS progression?

and i threw some things away - thought aloud - my glasses?? but i dropped them near the door outside near the bushes. no money to buy more!

and i wondered what i threw away and what will i miss... and maybe it was like the time i dreamt and truly thought i was giving myself brain surgery - taking out a softball, a broken torch, among other things...then, i sewed up my head and woke up.... was it that symbolic?

and i see i am getting older. and what is truly relative to age? what is growning up? do we get sicker the more we deny our imaginations and creativity?

and i have shared here for a reason and the reason as well as this sharing has no consequence.

good evening,
~happyleighme

Anonymous said...

About Clyde
All works of art start as potential. Similarly, all relationships start as potential. When I meet a person I try and see not their mask, with it’s defenses, but what’s underneath. I get accused of refusing to acknowledge who a person is choosing to be right now. When that person is arrogant or rude or selfish then my friends say, "Clyde!!!!!! THIS is what this LOSER is about." But I say, "Hold on people, this is only what this person THINKS they are about." So this so called Loser person is confused. But if no one sees their potential then they may not ever see it themselves and that would be tragic.

Marvela said...

Keep up the good work.

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